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I’ll tell you, our current Leader is such a bumbling, clueless, hateful bigot he makes Trump look not so bad. Remember how we hated Trump? But now, in retrospect, he looks like a good old guy.

 

Remember the Trump years, when breaking into the Humane Society shelter with your campaign manager and torturing the puppies live on a bestiality site would have automatically derailed a presidential campaign? If a candidate back then had gotten caught eating the roasted flesh of a political rival at a dinner he was hosting for the Hess & Himmler Society, he would have had to stage a teary televised apology and at the very least pretend he thought it was the Handel & Haydn Society.

 

Remember how Trump would just tweet his ungrammatical ignoramus-taunts (how quaint) instead of executing people? Remember Twitter? (So ‘teens!)

 

Trump seems now like he was such a sweet old grandpa-figure. Looking at the footage the other night of him visiting the families of the children sent off to Russeurope as slave barter, seeing how he comforted the parents by regaling them with tales of his glorious presidency, “the greatest our kingdom has ever known, which is just what I’ve been hearing,” brought a tear of nostalgia to the eye. He was so funny, so genuine, so innocuous! Remember how we all made fun of him and how few of us were imprisoned?

 

And there they were last night: Trump, Obama, and W., old friendly foes, symbols of a golden age, a warmer, gentler time. W. made that old joke of his dad’s and patted Obama on the rear; Trump asked Obama if he had visited Hillary in prison before she “disappeared”; Obama just grinned, and grinned, and bore it. Then he remarked on the “antinomy of our coerced commensalism,” and W. and Trump just grinned.

 

Remember when the worst word your twelve-year-old would use at the dinner table and insist that it was perfectly acceptable language nowadays was “motherfucker”? Now kids swear like Ambassador Scaramucci and no one thinks twice.

 

It is hard to imagine, in this age of National Unity, that such a short time ago a president could welcome senators of the opposing party into the White House (remember the White House?) and sit and chat congenially with them and discuss bipartisan legislation before later tweeting that they are dirty stinking liars. I mean, back in Trump’s day he would rail against “so-called judges,” often ending his tweets with the damning pejorative “BAD,” but in the end he would actually allow their rulings to stand. He really was a moderate.

 

There’s no way someone who openly kept sex slaves by the dozens in his mansion could have been made Leader back in the Trump era. Not so openly. There were certain public standards back then. And the necrophilia? That would have been considered a “character” issue. Our Leader wouldn’t have made it past the local warlord stage if Trump-era values had endured.

 

Look at him, good old Trump, on the telestage just now, at another rally in Oklahoma. (Funny how they’ve let him continue having these rallies for all these years. And actually, shouldn’t he be dead by now? What was in those potato chips?) “Maybe I should’ve been nicer to Hillary, I don’t know.” (“NOOOOO!” screams the crowd.) “I know, I know, you’re probably right. But what can I say? I’m a very nice guy. Maybe the nicest. Maybe that’s why Leader let me move Mar-a-Lago out here to Oklahoma when the Waters were approaching.”

 

Yeah, it’s funny how Trump seems like such a good guy now.

 

Think “like” on your Brainbook if you agree.